Upon
watching my mother get married
"Men rule their wives
as God rules the church"
I'm in a church watching my mother
getting married
It was a greeting card trifecta
Birthday, Wedding Day, Easter Resurrection
aligned to simultaneity by
outdated pagan practices
I visit my mother only twice a year
shy and guilty and begging for absolution
like Easter/Christmas Catholics
I only come to church when someone dies
or gets married
"I, Barbara, according to the word of God submit myself
to you, binding myself to you forever"
This is all a technicality
Someone else's kids have been calling
my mother "grandma"
for years
But I give the quaint service the
brick wall reverie
of an Eng Comp I class
the Monday after Christmas break
while the preacher speaks of
"faithdevotionlovefidelity"
Christ's lesson plan for family function
that I had to learn on my own
by trialed error
I focus on the statue looming in the corner
and of the sculpted image of the virgin
kneeling and somber at Jesus's feet
crossed and punctured and bleeding
above her
Showing no tears for the son she lost
to the church
to the cross
to the ascension
I didn't die for anybody
or for their sins
But nobody ever asked me
and I vow to be a sulking 12 year old
and refuse to smile in
the cheery wedding pics
I was in the pictures
from my mother's previous wedding
as a stomach bulge
a glow
an umbilical chord
My mother 25 and smiling
beside a collared priest
who would now call my mom
a bigamist
and me a bastard
My mother
50 years old today
is introduced to me
and the congregation
as Mrs. Hughes
her third married name
while struggling up from her knees
after taking communion
Her new husband offering
his arm
for support
@ 32,000 Feet
I feel closer to
nothing
being this high
I watch the sun
deflate past my window
Pushed through
the milk below
Like stop-motion animation
Or birth in reverse
I make eye contact
and for a moment
I expect to see
Japanese bombers
coming right at me
Copyright © 2007 Benjamin Marxer
